I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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