when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
