I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
