FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
