what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
