go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
