K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
