Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
