After last night, I could never be a politician.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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