So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
