I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
