i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
