I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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