Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died

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(361): View more from Texas

I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Def the best call fo sho

(361): View more from Texas

That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?

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