it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
