So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
