im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
