How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
