Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
