I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
