Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
