He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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