i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
