the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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