When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
