Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
