Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
