have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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