I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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