Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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