Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
