I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
