smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
