Pappa wants mamma naked
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
