you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
