A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
