i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
