Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
