Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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