Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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