last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
