Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
