He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
