i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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