grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
