This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
