pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
