I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
