Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
God, I missed his penis.
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