beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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