Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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